Home » Parents and Parenting » I Just Want to Talk with Them Again

I Just Want to Talk with Them Again

I just want to talk with them again.

Mom and Dad. Just one more time to sit over a cup of coffee and catch up.

Mom died 26 years ago, Dad died 2 years ago, but sometimes the desire to talk with them tears my heart into pieces. Such a little thing – to talk together – is such a big thing.

If given the chance, what would I do?

First I’d tell them I loved them, how much I missed them, how much I wanted to thank them. And I’d stand wrapped in their arms until the weight of the world drifted away and all I could feel was their love. Protected, where no one or no thing could touch me without their permission. Yet when I picture the hug in the recesses of my 60-year old memory, I am still a little girl in a grown up world.

I just want to talk with them again.

To tell them about Alex’s wedding a week ago. How lovely it was, intimate, with only 30 people. The groom was handsome, the bride beautiful. It rained, but it rained on their first date and when Alex proposed, so rain seems to be a blessing of theirs. And how I didn’t cry until I saw the empty chair in the front row draped in white with their picture on it, honoring Mimi and Poppy who weren’t there. At least not physically…

To share pictures of their three grandsons, who are now all married and successfully giving back to society. To see their five great-grandchildren who are all healthy and bright and strong.

To describe yet another health scare last month, when the ER docs thought I had a second mini-stroke when I couldn’t remember whether or not Alex had gotten married yet. My brain was a blank slate, and of all the things that have ever happened with my health, this is the only one that scared me. And it reminded me that even though I have gone kicking and screaming into this forced retirement of sorts, perhaps I am not meant to be working full time. Perhaps my life, as it is, is enough.

To tell them about my blogging adventure, where 1,100 people have actually chosen to get an e-mail every time I post something. Where my love of writing, and desire to provide encouragement and inspiration meet in a ministry all its own. Where they can read about people and places and things that have touched me and helped me to grow in compassion and love.

To describe what it felt like to volunteer for the Red Cross as a mental health provider at the viewing and funeral for a Pennsylvania State Trooper who was ambushed outside his barracks. To honor him and his wife and two little boys by being present for those who mourned. To serve the thousands of State Troopers who came from as far away as Alaska, California, Texas, Minnesota, Iowa, North and South Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Ohio, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, New York, New Jersey, just to name a few. To describe what it felt like to see the best of humanity come together following the actions of the worst of humanity, and to know that the light will always overtake the darkness.

I just want to talk with them again.

But how long would I need for 26 years of updates for Mom, and 2 years of events for Dad? And if I honestly believe that our loved ones watch over us after they die – and I do – then I don’t really need to talk to them, to update them on their family, since they already know all that I would tell them.

Maybe I just want to hear their voices one more time, hold their hands in mine, feel their arms around me. To be swallowed up by their love, their protection, their wisdom. To know that regardless of what happens, everything will be alright.

Everything will be alright.

Dear God:
I just want to talk with Mom and Dad again.
Can you do that for me – please?
Theresa

________________________________________

31 thoughts on “I Just Want to Talk with Them Again

  1. This is so beautifully written. Although I cannot feel the pain that is unique to you, I can relate in some ways. I lost my father 33 years ago. He was 48. I lost my only brother suddenly when he was only 36. I treasure every moment with my mom because I know death can come at any moment.
    There is so much love in this post and I am sure that it transcends to the heavens.
    ((hugs))

  2. What a lovely tribute to your parents. I know they must be proud of you! I do wish you well with your own health. For me, gardening is the place where I discuss in my mind, things with my parents. Their love for gardening brings the plants they loved a special place in our garden. What a lovely description of your daughter’s wedding. Rain is a blessing! 🙂

  3. Your parents must really have been wonderful to have you missing them so terribly when they are gone. That in itself is such a gift. I’m sure they counted themselves lucky to have you for a daughter , too, Theresa.

  4. Lovely thoughts Theresa. They say that every time we think of someone who has passed it is their way of communicating with us. To let us know they are there beside us. They are the breeze that you feel when they gently wrap their arms around you, their kisses are the rain drops that gently land on your face. They send us many massages because their love will always be there and their love will dwell in your heart forever. :o)

  5. A very heartfelt and open post, Theresa.
    I had lost my dad to cancer in 1968. And my mom in 2002. Both around the Christmas season. But, what gives me confidence and peace is knowing that Christ’s endurance of the cross was a sacrifice that could only be fulfilled through love. A love that has endured from all eternity. It is that same universal love that is my everlasting bond with my mom and dad, as well as, your bond with your parents.

    When I pray for and to them, there is our conversation. I believe, through our bond of love they continue to share in the triumph and tribulation of my existence. And in that connection there is a continued presence, for we of good will, that will need no updates when we meet once again, by the grace of a just and merciful God.
    -Alan

  6. I frequently feel this way about my grandmother. I know she knows…but i so want to talk to her about life , what was it like for her? i want to share things that have happened in 16 years. all the ways i have changed how i am so much better stability wise. so many things. but i think i too just want to hear her voice, one more hug…a touch…a moment…

  7. Beautiful Theresa. I count my blessings to still be able to talk and hang out with my 85 year old mother but so miss my dad who died 23 years ago today an my son’s 8th birthday. I’m so glad you were on that most recent deployment bringing your gift of presence and compassion to those in need.

    • Dear Marlene – it’s so good to hear from you, and I send along my blessings on this bittersweet day. Enjoy your Mom. Hope to be deployed with you again someday (my latest was to the viewing & funeral of Cpl. Bryon Dickson, the State Trooper who was killed in NE PA).

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